That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
