I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
