if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
