You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
