i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
