thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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