I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
