We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
