he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
