i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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