we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
