Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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