so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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