i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
