she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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