Someone shit on the floor
are you so shy because you have an std?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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