I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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