You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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