Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
