If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
