Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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