They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
