he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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