Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
