Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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