Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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