i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
