Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
