The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
