You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
