That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
