found the other keg... it's in the tree
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
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