I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
So many bounce houses so little time
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
