I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
