69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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