I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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