I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
