I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
