Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
