There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
