im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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