I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
