please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
