I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
