My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
