wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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