Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
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