She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
