the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
