She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
