i wish peter jackson would direct porn
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
