My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just fell off a train. Bad.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
