you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
